Compulsive Acquiring and More Guilty Keeping

A few months ago, I wrote about guilty keeping; the kind of guilt that leads to keeping things out of obligation to someone else. However, there is another kind of guilty keeping triggered by emotional conflict that cuts deep within the saver’s soul. It is this type of saving that takes real courage and strength to overcome in the recovery process. Yet, when it happens, it is so freeing.

Most of our clients suffer some form of compulsive acquiring disorder. There are many different types and motivators some of which are as follows:

• Avoiding Waste– These people are extreme recyclers. They feel a responsibility to continue the usage of everything. If they see the potential to reuse, recycle or repurpose items, they will collect or save it. “Someone somewhere can use it.” “It is still in decent shape.” “I can turn it into…” “I can fix it.” “I can use it for…(something other than its intended purpose)”.
• Aesthetics– Shells, rocks, sticks, leaves, metal scrap, glass, you name it- beauty is in the eye of the beholder- to the ceiling. Some are lured to unusual objects simply by a fascination with the way the look. A certain magnetism draws them to collect these items that eventually overwhelm their environment.
• Identity– Also known as object-identity fusion, these individuals will acquire all the equipment and supplies for a given hobby, trade, craft, occupation, etc. without actually producing anything. For example, one may have an entire home filled with thousands of cookbooks, small appliances, gourmet pots and pans, dishware, and every kitchen gadget known to man. He may tell all who ask that he is the next Gordon Ramsey though he hasn’t cooked a thing in over a decade. The property acquired represents who he thinks he is or who he wants to become.
• Worth– Some compulsive shoppers buy to validate their feelings of self-worth. Sometimes it is quantity, sometimes it is quality. Shopping can be a comfort to the person. Others just can’t miss the opportunity to buy a “designer” label on sale, regardless of whether they will use it, if it will fit, or sadly, if they have the money. For others, they will buy items as “gifts” though once the purchases arrive home; they become lost in the piles of clutter never reaching their intended recipient.
• Mind, for lack of better categorization– Massive accumulations of books, magazines, newspapers, leaflets, junk mail, and such, that the individual insists on reading at some point in the future for fear of losing out on important information. This may include news, financial, health, cultural, entertainment, instructional and general knowledge categories.
• Stocking up– Often compulsive shoppers will purchase in bulk, just in case they lose, run out of, break or otherwise need supplies or items others buy in small quantities. When things are on sale, they will buy multitudes of product, fearing they will lose out on the great opportunity to save money. It is not uncommon for these buyers to purchase clothing and shoes that are not in their size, sheets that don’t fit their bed, decorations for holidays they don’t celebrate, small appliances they will never use, and thousands of other bargains that will only amount to clutter. Food, health and beauty items expire in the bags in which they arrived home, and poor storage solutions lead many other category types to become damaged or destroyed. These thrifty wannabes fail to see that they are actually wasting money by trying to save.

So what does this have to do with guilt, you ask? Acquirers personally select and save each object brought in to the home. These belongings become a part of whom they are or who they think they should be. By deciding to purge them, the savers feel like they are giving up on themselves. They feel guilty about not having accomplished all that they set-out to do, such as; fixing the broken items, completing all the craft projects, reading all the books and articles, wearing all the clothing, gifting all the gifts, etc. Likewise, as they begin to understand their problematic thinking, the financial implications of acquiring all that property become painful to acknowledge. Furthermore, many will feel shameful of lost time that could have been spent with friends and family, or on activities that they find meaningful. They feel like failures. They feel worthless. They feel wasteful. When they accept the fact that compulsive acquiring and hoarding are mental illnesses and not lifestyle choices, they begin to heal.

As coaches, we focus on what they will be able to do as they recover and regain control of their homes. We encourage them to seek out new purpose and self-identity. If the person has a particular interest, helping them to nurture it through activity outside the home is a wonderful way to satisfy the need without acquiring or cluttering. Volunteer opportunities, community classes, and interest groups are perfect examples that help recovering acquiring and hoarding individuals socialize and fulfill the desire to pursue hobbies in a healthy forum. Below, we list a few ideas for each category above. If you or a loved one have a question about overcoming acquiring and saving, please comment below, or contact us via Facebook, email, Twitter or phone for free, personalized assistance.

• Waste– Join a clean-up group, such as The Nature Conservancy or contact your local city or town for direction, start a Freecycle group, volunteer at a church or thrift store to fix-up property brought in (on-site), volunteer with Habitat for Humanity.
• Aesthetics– Take pictures! Digital photos take up a lot less room! Join a beautify the community program, take an art class, remind yourself that others appreciate beauty too- leave it there for them to see!
• Identity– Take a fun class at a community college, YMCA, library, senior center, etc. Volunteer to teach a class at a Boys & Girls Club, YMCA, Church, or other local organization. Join a project group like Warm Up America and Chemo Caps to share your talents with others, outside of your home.
• Worth– Use time spent with others as gifts. Take your family and friends to dinner, theatre, etc. since memories are more valuable than anything you can ever buy. Study the acquiring tips and avoid triggers that lead you to make unnecessary purchases. Volunteer in the community. Nothing makes you feel better than helping others.
• Mind– Unsubscribe from all magazines, newspapers, newsletters, etc. Opt-out of junk mail campaigns. Immediately sort all mail upon entering the house, and discard everything except bills and other important personal correspondence. (Read this!) Borrow books or other reading materials one at a time from the library. Join a reading group. Volunteer to teach literacy to adults. Volunteer to read to children. Use the internet for news.
• Stocking up– Sales come in cycles. Buy one and a backup. Buy what you need not in case you will need. Volunteer at local food banks, The Salvation Army, churches, and like programs that need people who can sort through large quantities. Unsubscribe to catalogs and newspapers. Get the news online or on TV and throw sale papers in the trash without looking at them. Avoid triggers! Go to the store with a list of what you need, and stick to it. PERIOD!